Trials of Trust
by lazywriter123
Summary: Spencer feels betrayed by Prentiss. His trust for the team is decreasing. A new case shows how much the team keeps from each other and him. Will he finally have enough of the BAU and get over who he loved and hurt him the most. Full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

I don't have Criminal Minds

**I haven't written for CM in so long, it's time to make a comeback. I'm going to be super busy for a long time now. School work and I'm working for the campus newspaper. WAY TOO MUCH TO GET DONE!**

**I'll update as much as I can.**

_**Summary: Spencer Reid feels betrayed after finding out that Prentiss is in fact alive. It also makes him wonder if he truly ever knew her at all. Now with everyone on his own team keeping secrets, his already limited trust for people in general has diminished. Add more nightmares, headaches getting worse by the day, and finding out a secret that blows everything he has ever known out the window, will Spencer finally have enough of the BAU and everything he has known?**_

Enjoy

Seeing Emily right there in the doorway was a shock I would never forget. The woman of my dreams who I thought was truly gone, the woman who caused me many sleepless night with me crying in my pillow, the woman that I promised to never forget when she was buried…was alive after all.

She was in hiding, somewhere in Europe, leaving us here to mourn and be stuck in an unending grief. Even worse, JJ my best friend and even Hotch, a man I depended on also lied. I felt a cold but sickening feeling in my stomach. A team was supposed to be truthful to each other, not go behind each other's backs.

It then made me wonder about Morgan and Garcia and Rossi. What were they hiding?

I stood in the gun range again like I was a few weeks before and started firing at the target in front of me. Every bullet helped to ease my frustration. Now I see why the others do this, it's a great stress releaser.

As I watched the bullets fly, I started to think more about why Emily would do such a thing.

Emily…..

_Flashback:_

_I sat back in my warm bed and felt at peace for once in a long, long time. Next to me was Emily who looked at me with eyes that spoke of love and I couldn't help but smile. _

"_You seem happy" said Emily._

_I smiled and kissed her, "How could I not be?"_

_She moved so she was in my arms as we fell asleep._

_End Flashback_

No one on the team knew about our relationship. It was the most wonder time of my life when we were together. Before her "death" she said she loved me. I never felt so elated and happy in all my life. Then she died, I was so sure I would never meet another person like her again. I would be left wondering what could have been. But with her return, she hurt me more than her death did. She betrayed my trust and left me in such turmoil.

Now I know why she did it…but it doesn't fix the fact that she couldn't even trust me. She lied to me and would have stayed "dead" for god knows how long. If they never did find Doyle, it would have maybe been years…or never.

I know I was being a bit selfish because I knew she had to go into hiding to protect herself…still…it didn't help.

I snapped out of my brooding when I saw Emily walk into the room. I looked away quickly. I really wasn't in the mood to talk.

"Reid…."

I took a long breath and looked at her, "Yes Prentiss?"

"Look…I know you're really mad and…"

"Mad? You think I'm just mad, you should know me better than that."

"Please Reid, I'm trying to apologize."

I took another breath to calm myself, "I know…I'm just…I don't know."

The words I really wanted to say were gnawing in my mind.

I then moved to hold her and kiss her…but she stopped me.

"Reid…I had been thinking more about us and with the bureau more on our backs…we shouldn't really be together…."

I felt my breath seize in my throat. She couldn't mean that…not after she said….

"Please Reid, I do care for you but I really am not so sure with all the things that are happening that it's safe for us to be involved."

I couldn't help it, but in my mind I was sobbing. I could to find you alive and willing to have you back in my arms and you turn me away.

"I think we're better off as friends."

I felt so cold inside that I nearly shook. Please let this be some kind of practical joke and in a second she laughs and says "Gotcha Spencer."

Was I just a romance…a fling that faded when you left us, or did you really love me at all?

I nodded at her.

"Thank you Reid, it means so much that you understand."

She gave me a hug which I gave back carefully and then she left.

Taking a piece of my heart with her.

#$#$#$#$#$#$#$$#$#$#$#$

The next few weeks were a blur for me. I went to the office, did paperwork and then went home. I hardly talked to anyone at the office. I felt so numb. We were together for over a year. I can count the days, hours, seconds, and even milliseconds that we were together.

When I went back into my apartment I flopped onto the couch and sighed sadly. The worst part of it was that I had something special planned for her only days before what happened and with Doyle. I went into my dresser and took out a small velvet box. Inside was a diamond ring. It was expensive when I got it; it was a pure diamond on a silver band. I was so elated when I got it and I mustered all the courage I had to ask, but it fell when she died.

I knew I should return it and get a refund…but I couldn't. I still held a small hope that maybe she would want me back.

I'll keep the ring for now.

#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$##$

Another nightmare…

I felt sweat fall from my brow and I went into the bathroom to wash my face and relax. I saw Emily dying…she was dying in my arms….

I let out a choked sob. I couldn't help but feel my world crumble down again. I would have given up the BAU to be with her. That why I got the ring. I was so prepared to make that step, to find my happiness after a lifetime of misery and loneliness.

I sobbed all through the night; I knew I would be exhausted at work in the morning.

At the office, I was once again working on case files and whatnot. I saw my teammates working but they were also cracking jokes. The team seemed to be recovering from all that had happened. Even Morgan which surprised me but I think he was just glad to have Prentiss back.

I think they noticed my withdrawn attitude but didn't seem to care enough to ask. It only helped increase my depression further.

My headaches were also beginning to be more bothersome than usual.

It was just another think to add to my life.

JJ came into the bullpen with a file in her hand. I know what that meant.

Another case.

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	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Criminal Minds

Enjoy

On the jet, headed for Vermont, I sat far from everyone in the shadows since the light from the windows began to hurt my eyes.

Everyone else was making theories about our unsub who was killing off women in a small town near a popular skiing mountain. The winter season, which is their prime month for income and tourism was around the corner so getting this case solved was important for the police force there as well as getting another killer off the streets.

Garcia came onto Morgan's computer, still cracking jokes and everyone cracked a smile. I just stared at the file in front of me. I could barely focus and I didn't have the motivation to say anything about the case or even state a fact.

To be honest, for the last few weeks…I began to wonder why I should stay here…at the BAU. It's been six years and I could do anything else. Become a doctor, work at a lab, be a professor. Hell, the world of jobs was at my fingertips. I suppose I was afraid that if I left I would lose friends who truly understand me…would people at a different job be the same.

I can't be alone again…I just can't.

Still, I have barely talked to any of them since Prentiss came back.

I mentally sighed, I felt so empty that it hurt.

"Reid."

I looked up and saw that everyone was looking at me.

"What?"

Hotch narrowed his eyes, "I asked you if you have any statistics on murders in Vermont, we need you to focus now."

I sighed then said my piece on murder stats and crime in Vermont.

I could feel everyone's eyes bore holes into me. I also felt their annoyance. Guess if I can't be on the dot with my brain I'm just annoying.

_I though you said these were people who understood you_.

Great now my own mind is mocking me.

#$#$#$#$#$#$$##$#$#$$$#$#$#$

We exited the plane and drove to the police station which was about an hour away from the small airport. The landscape was so beautiful in Vermont. Endless trees and mountains on the horizon. Yet it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop I bet.

I was in the car with Morgan and Hotch, everyone else was in the other car.

I sat in the back looking at the case files; it gave me something to at least get away from my more morbid thoughts.

"Hey Reid."

Morgan, who was sitting in the passenger seat, was looking back at me.

"Are you feeling alright?"

_So now you notice…after what week? Nice going I should give you a metal. _

"It's nothing, I'm just tired."

"Well we need you head in this ok."

He turned back and I felt the same cold feeling rush through me.

That was it, no "I'm just worried" or "Well do you need to talk?"

I'm just a tool for cases now! Since Prentiss came back, it's like I don't really matter anymore.

I felt another intense headache coming on again.

##$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$

The case ended faster than I expected. Another easy two day case where the unsub panicked after we were on his trial, which of course made him easier to find.

When we got back to the office, since it was evening when we arrived home, I sat in at my desk and decided to finish up any last minute work.

Everyone else was talking amongst themselves and then left the office in a hurry.

I wondered why they left.

On Morgan's desk I noticed a flyer for a party at the local bar they all usually go to after a case…they just left…without me….

They didn't acknowledge that I was gone….

Keeping me out of the loop and what else could they be hiding?

I sat back in my chair and sighed heavily. What's next, Prentiss will say she's suddenly seeing another guy?

Little did I know that about three months later…I would be right.

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